Be very clear about why you're looking for a new job and why you are unhappy in your current job

: Okay, sure. It's certainly been in the news everywhere. HR associations are talking about it. It was actually in the HR magazine cover page, front page, talking about attrition and folks resigning. There are different ways of looking at this. I mean, certainly, there is a bit of change coming on, right? It feels like people have been in holding patterns because of COVID. I mean, of course, for a lot of people livelihoods depend on their paycheck. Therefore people stay with the jobs that they had. Now is the time when our economy is opening up and people are looking for next opportunities.

So the important thing here is to be very clear about why you're looking for a new job and why you are unhappy in your current job. I want to put a lot of emphasis on this simply because, if you think you are just going to jump, it's going to be better somewhere else, without looking at yourself and actual reasons, you're going to take all those same problems that were present in your current role into your new role. Ultimately as you're going into a new role, you have to have the right mindset for that. Because if you do not, everything that you had in this current role that wasn't satisfying is going to repeat itself. Or as always be repeating itself. So, first things first, right? You have to understand what is your driver.

I mean, I said always that's the only way going to succeed. If you actually take ownership and responsibility for your success. Nobody else is going to make you successful. Everything that happens in your life, you own. I know it sounds like, well, the company should do this and the company should do that. The company should do their absolute best to provide the best environment for their employees, but it is really up to the employee to make sure he or she is properly integrated into that environment. You do have to have ownership of that. And it's hard to do. Cause we've just gone through a pandemic where people have probably felt a lot out of control, and probably there's of a victim mentality going on. So being able to address that.

It's only normal, they need in any type of crisis, this kind of feeling of helplessness. Understand that this is probably something that you are currently carrying. As you're making these decisions, you're making them from a strength standpoint versus a victim mentality. Somebody has done you wrong and now you're looking for a new job. Take ownership of that what you're feeling, and move forward from that. I know it sounds harsh. If you really want to be successful, you have to kind of own your success. And then that's the hardest truth. One must hear and understand and only then one will actually be successful. It applies to everybody, myself included.

I make various excuses at times as to why this dependency or that dependency, ultimately, my success is owned by my actions. Of course, when you're looking at, what is going to be making you happy, evaluate where you are right now, because that is your end result. What you have right now as a result of your actions, that's the result of what you're feeling, as a result of what you're thinking, called mindset. If you're not satisfied with your current environment, take a good stock of everything that's happened that led to that. You kind of have to reverse back to where you started.

Evaluate, what is your current situation?

: Where are you sitting? What are you feeling and write it all down. I mean, quite honestly, take a piece of paper, write it down. What is it that you're currently unhappy about in your current situation? It's a list, right? So I say, then make another two columns and put checkmarks next to them, each item, whether it's personal, or whether it's work. Personal, meaning internal, or whether this is external, is this something that you're responsible for? This something that, external factors, like, for example, you wanted to take a job in New York and COVID happened. You couldn't take a job in New York, so you were stuck. And so that's external. Because it's physical like you were restricted, you couldn't go and now's the opportunity.

But, for example, if you want to, so now if you want to move, and the economy is open and if you're making an excuse, you saying it's too difficult to, I don't know. Listen, that's internal because that is an internal hesitation because now there's no physical factor that's stopping you. You have to kind of come back and take a look and why the cause of this. Like, for example, an external factor may be, for example, a lot of people say, well, I have professional development and this may be true. You may have exhausted all of your opportunities and gotten to a certain degree or a certain level where you've been in a job for X amount of time. You've learned everything there was to learn. You applied yourself, you've taken ownership, you've done all these things. You've stopped growing.

And this is where you are. The company can't really offer you anything else. It has exhausted as capability. That's an external, you know, situation. For example, if you're saying, well, what, I want professional development, but you actually have a personal resistence to this. For example, maybe you don't have enough time. That is an internal situation that you have to work out. It's an internal mindset that you're working with. Values, for example, is another really big one.

What do you value? What does the company value? Does this align?

: Look at what the company values and not just what the company says. Does this align with you? If it doesn't align? That's an external factor. Another one that I very frequently see is that you expected something and then the company didn't deliver. You feel like the company didn't deliver, but you didn't really communicate well. That is an internal problem.

It's a company problem, of course, as well. I don't want to diminish that. I want to make sure you take ownership of your own professional development and don't reside with a company. You can take an initiative and come in and say, I want X, Y, and Z, I want this opportunity. It's about ownership. Take a look as to what's internal and what's external. This is within you? Are you the one who is resisting or you haven't taken any action? Or is this something that, perhaps something external and you can't change.

So you've looked at where the nos are right now, take a look at where the yeses are. Something has to have gone right in your life. Right. What are the positives? And what worked well? Like what works well for you? What professional development did you receive, what growth did you receive? How did you bring success and happiness into your life right now? Like what makes you happy, take stock of that. Because it's important. Because if you don't know what makes you tick or what up to now has brought you success, it's really hard to identify where you want to go. Because if you just aimlessly start going somewhere, you're most likely not going to find success. Because if you don't know what you want, it's really kind of hard to beat yet. Success is something you have to think about. When people say, well, I want to be happy. Okay. Happy is a state as a result of something else. You love contentment, peace, enjoyment. These are all states. It's a feeling. You want to know what that end result is in this chain.

When you're happy, what actions do you take and what results are you receiving? So think about it like, what result are you looking to receive and how has it aligned with you feeling happy? For example, somebody wants to, as an end result to make X amount of dollars as their compensation, this is why they're moving, right? So that's the end result. What actions would this person need to make? Work, extra hours, do this, do that, take this project, take ownership, lead a team, these are actions now. But this person values happiness as freedom and flexibility. And all these things are now reverse engineering. Make sure you align with your emotional values, like you are sitting there and actually feeling it.

The reason that we always focus on how we feel is that emotions are hormonal. It's how we're affected, it actually affects our biology.

: I think it's silly to ignore that. Understand what you want to feel, because ultimately what you're feeling is going to drive the end result. From what you want to be feeling, you want to also reverse engineer in what you will be thinking to get you to that result. So, ultimately start with like, what makes you happy? What is it like, how do you feel about it? How did success feel to you? What were you doing? What were you thinking? How did you get there? Cause you definitely got to now and don't forget. So where you are today, maybe a decade ago, this is where you want it to be.

Don't forget that gap. Maybe today you're not super happy about where you are, but a decade ago you thought this was a far-reaching goal. Congratulate yourself, at least on where you are.

: Hugely important to acknowledge that. Now, think about it also, what actions are you taking and not taking, right? Like what do you, what actions are you taking now that are making you happy? And what actions are you not taking? What are you afraid of doing right? What's the hesitation. What does that actually means for you to be in your current state so we can engineer your future state. Does that make sense? So far I have several steps.

: It's important that you have a clear understanding as to where are you coming from because it will explain to you, it will add visibility, why you want to make the change. So don't fall into this, everybody jumps, so I jumped. Evaluate where you are and think about also what you currently have and what you will be giving up if you're moving into a new role. You have to understand, first of all, where are you starting with?

Maybe I do need a new environment, but into my new environment, what do I want to take with me? What kind of mindset? What am I going to accomplish?

: So absolutely values. You've got to take a look as to what's important to you. What's important to the company. And try not to project. Because we interpret a lot of things, try to take things at face value. This is actually really hard to do. This is exactly why coaching helps quite a bit. Allows you to look at things critically versus allowing yourself a bit of a cushion. Right. So, well, that's not really my fault. It's somebody else's. It's actually being critically looking at this and saying, okay, what I'm struggling here. Maybe I do need a new environment, but into my new environment, what do I want to take with me? What kind of mindset? What am I going to accomplish? Versus, oh, I'm just gonna make the change and hope for the best. Make a conscious effort to make the change versus just jumping into an oblivion.

Now next thing, hugely important also is evaluating what do you actually want?

: Write down everything again. Maybe the same piece of paper. What do you actually want? What would you like to happen? If that happens, if that materializes, what would that mean for you? What would that give you when you have that, your end goal, what would that mean for you? How would you feel? what would you think? What would you have as a result of that?

What will happen for you when you have this new desire, change, document that, write it down for yourself. I mean, this is a good vision for you to have, as you're going through these job searches, this will be a great compass for you to see what you want. You can filter out bad opportunities from good ones. So you can say, this is what I want, and this is what I don't, that incredibly increases your level of success because as you're going for that interview. You're actually confident because that's what you want. You're coming into it, certain that this is your opportunity. Versus, oh, maybe kind of, and I'm just going to apply for it and see how this goes. It's a hesitation. It's also the presence with which you will come through.

It's actually knowing what you want. It shows up in everything we say like, literally, it's a projection of confidence. I think this is what you need to do is write it out and make sure you clearly understand that now, as you plan this. You say this is my end result. Do a self-check. What actions are you going to take? What is going to drive there? So you're going to do X, Y, and Z. Write it up as you're doing this, what are you feeling like? I feel like they motivated me to feel excited. Is this too much for you to get a gauge for this? Cause you can adjust your end result. You haven't started anything yet.

This is why you can if something's not resonating on the feeling side and be like, oh man, I don't know about this. It feels a little too heavy. See what you can take and see what the end result will be. You've decided the feeling feels good and now you engineer, what thoughts are you going to have? So you currently have these thoughts. Like everything sucks. My job is awful. My manager is just terrible. She doesn't pay attention to me, this and that. These are thoughts that are causing you to feel something, causing you to act and is exactly where you are right now.

Engineer backwards and engineer your mindset, from this kind of map in front of you. So, and that should be like, you're creating a roadmap right for your product, which are your thoughts.

: Engineer backwards and engineer your mindset, from this kind of map in front of you. So, and that should be like, you're creating a roadmap right for your product, which are your thoughts.So your product is the result. The beginning of the development, that initiates the product are your thoughts. One thing that is going to drive your success, in the end, is going to be your mindset with which you approach things right now.

It's really easy to default back into old patterns, simply because you've already done this time and time again, you've developed this thinking. Plus you have this entire, we're in 18 months right now, 14 months, right up to sitting at home and developing this new mindset that you have right now. You're like in the holding pattern like it's fighting, what is it? Fight or flight. You're ready for some kind of change that you gotta change where you are. You gotta come in with an open mindset. To start, you know, reverse engineering. Think about what thoughts are you going to have. You will actually have to almost manually come in and replace these thoughts. You will have to come in and think about, so what should I think, what, how do I need to change my thought process in order to get myself feeling uplifted and motivated to take action towards what I want. Now you've written all this down and now you're looking at, sheet number one and sheet number two, we're saying, okay, well this is my current situation. Now you've written your ideal situation and taken a look at that, right? Because this is your old identity. Then this is your new identity. There's an identity gap between the two. So bridging this identity gap is the shift in mindset.

See how big the gap is. See what you can start doing and shifting that process. Now, when you're looking for a new role, understand your motives. By the way, it's absolutely fine if you just need to change a job. But understand that you're changing a job. You want something new, the feeling of newness may only last so long. Sometimes that's okay, because for example, what I mean, maybe there's a bigger opportunity financially. If all things equal, you absolutely should take a better opportunity to support yourself and your families. So there's no shame in that. I just need to change a job and maybe you have a passion for something else. Think about what that, something else, that is making you happy and budget time for that.

If you want to feel happy and fulfilled, understand what makes you tick so you can dedicate room for this.

: Then, I mean, it may be your awesome creative job. Maybe you're awesome artists at EA and you're just on fire. I mean, you love what you do. You may be also somebody who doesn't really enjoy their job. Maybe you are in customer success and you've just received a mouthful from a client whose membership may has been somehow messed up billing, didn't go as right. Or whatever. And you're just emotionally drained. And you're looking for something else to do. Understand that's okay. When you're looking for something else, understand where you're coming from.

And every situation is normal and okay. Don't build conditions around why you are making the change, but just understand why it is and what makes you happy and budget time for that happiness to happen.

I think it's important to call out the emotions part. The thoughts part, like I think taking time, taking a moment to feel what we're feeling and then how the feeling is associated to sometimes that's actually two separate things. Sometimes it's the emotions could be a signal of something deeper that we need to pay attention to.

All emotions stem from thoughts, emotions don't exist in a vacuum. Before you felt something, you thought something. The only way to change your emotions is to change your thoughts. They had problems with emotions. It's a little hard to shift because at one point it's like I said, they're hormonal. At one point, your body actually needs that. We'll be almost seeking experiences that will drive that emotional. A lot of times, it's like if you feeling down or upset about something and you've been feeling that for quite some time, your body adjusted to that hormone. It will continue to seek those experiences. Your thoughts will automatically drive into that.

So you have to make small shifts, to kind of get your buddy adjusted to a new infusion of hormones, for example, hormones of happiness.

: It's not going to be an overnight thing. I just want to make sure that people understand that because it's gradual progress to get out of the pickle that we got ourselves into. So it's totally normal and okay. Don't expect an overnight shift because that can happen and there's no need to be frustrated, just understand it's a process.

The more you practice, the easier it gets, it's like playing the piano, riding a bike, you fall a few times, but if finally again, when you have it, and then you got this right. So it's kind of like that.

If you don't know what to do, if you're already feeling the burn, the best way to stop and think is to stop and think quite literally. You have to force yourself to stop and evaluate. You have to slow down. In order to go fast, you have to go slow at first.

: Absolutely. And by the way, it's totally normal. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Right. If you don't know what to do, if you're already feeling the burn, the best way to stop and think is to stop and think quite literally. You have to force yourself to stop and evaluate. You have to slow down. In order to go fast, you have to go slow at first. Because otherwise your body is not going to be able to adjust properly. By the time you're feeling the burn, it's already physical. Our body is like a huge indicator of where we are.

I hear a lot of CEOs say, well, I'm not emotional. You know, I have no emotions. I have a problem with emotions. Well, okay. So, that is incorrect. Because if you have hormones, you have emotions. Like it's if you've never felt joy or happiness. I hardly doubt that's the case. We never felt sadness. What the problem is that, there's a stigma with, kind of addressing your emotions or dealing with your emotions there. Supposedly in the past was a sign of weakness, not anymore, obviously would they be new age, new things coming out and everybody is all about emotions and emotional intelligence and self-awareness and mindfulness. So it's not taboo anymore, but I still hear this quite a bit.

If you're a CEO and is not untouched and you're not in touch with your emotions, you're probably not a very good leader and not a good CEO because your emotional sense, is what's going to drive your decisions regardless. You're going to feel what you're going to feel. No matter how pragmatic of a leader you are, if you don't know what you feeling, and sometimes what we feel is right. Sometimes intuitive hits. Like sometimes that's telling us something.

Or our subconscious is communicating to us through emotions. If we're not aligned with that, we're missing a huge opportunity simply because it's our internal compass in a way.

: This does not mean that you absolutely need to be emotional and fall into an emotional range every day. Being able to identify your emotions and listen to your whole shins and process your emotions and understand your emotions will allow you to see your environment in a completely different way. You may not be even noticing that you're reacting to something. I hear people say, oh, I'm so probiotic, I'm a very logical person. And I see this logical person pull up some silly thing that, an emotionally aware person probably would have never done. It allows you an amazing tool to gain control of your abilities and your thoughts. It's a compass.

If you're in tune with where you are can be in tune with everybody else around you. You're able to process your environment that much better. You have a competitive edge if you actually know how to process your emotions.

: So slow down. And look at where you are. Take stock. Where am I? It's okay to ask yourself internally, where am I? I ask myself this question all the time when I'm feeling too much. And I'm like, okay, stop. Where am I? What is going on? What is in my environment? What's impacting me? Writing it all down. Allows me to clear my head. It's not in my head spinning, it's now on paper. So once it's something that you can actually do something about it versus just the thought it's not material. Once it's on paper, it's physical, it's material. You can do something about it.

Anyway, so writing things down, and then evaluating what's important here. And what's not important. The second route to happiness in a way is understanding what's important and what matters because if we react to everything under the sun, there's not enough emotional bandwidth for us. We'll burn very quickly.

So taking stock of where you are slowing down, and this is where meditation certainly comes into play. If you have that capability, it's just to take a quiet moment, to look outside and give yourself an opportunity to look out the window and see what's going on out there. It gives your brain an opportunity to stop and exhale, and look around and be like, okay, where's my center. So mindfulness helps.

By the way, so it's not an overnight thing. And, even for me, it's actually still a work in progress for sure. Making sure I understand where I am and what am I reacting to at old times, is a process and it's actually really difficult to do so, but it's a thing that I highly recommend everybody does. Anyway. Notice what's around you. Like what makes you feel anything? Like you woke up, how does it feel? How's your body feeling? Where are you? Take stock of where you are as a person. Bcause your body will tell you exactly what's happening.

What's happening? Are you feeling the tension? Maybe you're not quite emotionally there yet, but what are you feeling? Are you feeling a headache? Does your back hurt? Does your foot hurt? I don't know. I mean, like what hurts? What doesn't hurt? Does it feel light? I mean, are you energized? Where's your level of energy? Take stock of where you're physically is going to be a huge thing.

Meditation is not for everybody, by the way. I am absolutely terrible at meditation. I am awful. The only thing that works for me is visuals. Like any meditation that requires me to visualize anything. This is the only time that works for me. So just find your meditation. There are bazillions of them so pick something. They're not all the same, find what works for you.

I mean, like, if you've tried one, it doesn't mean they're all like that. I actually used to think this, I absolutely hated meditation. I couldn't sit still for two seconds, so I can absolutely relate to these people say, what? I just don't have any time. Okay. Well, five minutes is all it takes, right? It's five minutes for your brain to just stop and relax. Because as soon as you allowed yourself to stop, I can't tell you how much more clear the picture becomes. What about you? Like what would you recommend?

Ultimately you want to have the opportunity to reflect. It also helps to have a routine.

: Absolutely. As part of that mindfulness, people sometimes think that it's silly, but gratitude journal, I think is a good one. I think writing down actually helps you bring process. Writing is a lot better for your brain. And then of course typing. I mean, there are apps for this. Ultimately you want to have the opportunity to reflect. It also helps to have a routine. In the morning, like what is the first thing that you're doing? Are you jumping out of bed last minute and start running?

What do you budget for some time to allow yourself to wake up and think about what's important today? Do you plan for your day? In other words, because the thing is if you don't plan, your day runs ad hoc. So whatever comes your way, you don't know where the priorities are, so you just start executing anything that comes your way. By the end, you're burnt out and you've done 10,001 things, but you didn't get what was important. If you didn't take stock as to what's important, then it's kind of hard to follow through on that.

You were talking about how to be successful and happy. You got to understand your priorities, very importantly. I mean, you got to where you are right now, as a result of your priorities.That's where you start. Just understand they'll shift also happens through concentrated effort. Because you sit there and you think that this is how it's going to happen. So you actually have to take action. Any kind of success or happiness and what not was the result of once applied action. Somebody applied themselves to actually get what they wanted, but it's because they were clear on what they wanted. As you're looking at new opportunities, think about, what's important, think about what it is that you're going to be giving up and what are you going to be gaining, so I understand what your values are.

I think I already said that in the beginning, as you're writing things down as to what your values are now. How is it, whatever it is that you're after going to relate to that? Because if it doesn't, you're going to get in that dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is not going to allow you to move forward. You're going to continue to get stuck in old habits again, I don't know if anybody's read the Joe Dispenze books. They will explain everything you ever need to know about how emotions and hormones are tied and why you're not taking action. And how to make a gradual change, and how to start vibrating at a higher level, how to materialize things in your life. It's all through our mind, agility, right? Our mind needs to be agile. If our mind is not agile, become stagnant and basically just stay in the same status quo. And, as you're moving to a new opportunity as I said, and I feel like I need to repeat this, take stock as to where you are, because ultimately, if you don't, you're going to be in the same situation in a new job just a few months down the road, simply because of the change that needs to happen internally first. And then the external change will follow.